Light was on the face of the deep. And the Energy Minister
said, “Let there be darkness” and there was darkness.
Apparently, here in Britain, we have been rather lax in
securing our future energy requirements. We have been keen to shut down
so-called “dirty” power stations, and reluctant to start building new nuclear
power stations. Now there is talk about a looming energy crisis in which we
face winter-time power cuts, and the Government might have to instruct
industries to cease consuming energy at certain times.
How might this affect us? Should we be worried? Perhaps we
might rediscover that old Wartime Spirit
that apparently held our communities together when Adolph set out on his Grand
European Tour and started bombing the hell out of us. Keep calm and carry
candles.
I’m trying to be optimistic. There must be some upside to
the threatened loss of heat and light. For starters, in order to reduce the
risk of excessive demand there could be
an upturn in employment prospects by commissioning thousands of street wardens
(steel helmet optional) parading up and down shouting “Put that light out!”
Without television, radio, computers or smartphones, we
would be forced to reintroduce the concept of conversation. Without heating we
would increase the employment of clothing manufacturers (obviously doing
everything manually) to provide the extra layers of clothing we would need.
Here in Britain we already have the advantage of winter clothing being equally
useable as summer clothing, since it is often hard to tell the difference
between these two seasons (if you ignore the presence or absence of leaves on
the trees).
On the more cautionary side of the argument, we must be
prepared for a sudden surge in population as couples give up on the herculean
task of talking to each other and retire to bed when the sun goes down. The
inevitable increase in amorous couplings is also more likely following the
necessary eating of evening meals by candlelight – often a romantic activity.
Talking of candles (again a welcome surge in prospects for
candle makers) another advantage for those of us who are workaholics would be the unlimited opportunity to burn them at both
ends.
Those of us who are fortunate enough to live near the Houses
of Parliament, or perhaps even near provincial town council chambers, will be
able to sit around collections of national or local politicians and benefit
from the hot air that they exude.
Perhaps we should have woken up to this energy problem years
ago. At the moment all we can point to as evidence of some thought to the
matter are the woeful inadequacies of the so-called green energy schemes such
as wind turbines and solar panels.
Wind turbines have achieved the mutually-exclusive emotions
of a false sense of security combined with anger and jealousy against the
landowners who appear to be the main (financial) beneficiaries of these
monstrous windmills that blight our landscape, kill birds, cause an annoying
hum, and provide very little energy. When the wind isn’t blowing they are
useless, and when the wind is blowing hard they have to be shut down to protect
them from damage.
Solar panels are undoubtedly useful, but have the downside
of making your house roof appear extremely unattractive. If you live in a
National Park that imposes stringent planning restrictions on pretty much
everything you might want to do, you can be refused permission for windows,
walls or doors that do not “fit in” with the surrounding area, but it’s apparently
OK to replace a tiled roof with huge shiny grey panels.
Britain lives on top of a good supply of coal, but we closed
down most of the mines in the 1980s and now have to import most of our
requirements. Coal-fired power stations are apparently going to kill the
planet, although technology exists to capture and store carbon dioxide. Gas is
seen as the way forward, and we’ve now discovered that Britain lives on top of
massive quantities of the stuff trapped in subterranean rocks. It can be
released by a process called “fracking”, involving drilling deep into the rock
, fracturing it, and releasing the gas.
The risks of earthquakes and contamination of water supplies
is not a problem in the wide open spaces of the USA, but in this tiny
overcrowded country of ours? Fracking hell!
London politicians are wetting themselves with excitement
about this, especially as the biggest deposits appear to be in the North of
England, from Blackpool in the west to Scarborough in the east. In the 19th
century, the North of England was characterised by those dark satanic mills. Will the 21st century be one of dark satanic drills?
So switch those lights out! Light a candle. Enjoy seeing the
stars; there’s bound to be a couple of nights without cloud cover this year.
Time for bed.
