UK Local Elections May 2012

Well, it would seem that David Cameron's Conservatives and Nick Clegg's Liberal Democrats (partners in Coalition Government) received a good drubbing in these elections, losing many hundreds of Council seats and losing control of several major cities.

Ed Milliband's Labour Party made an impressive showing, picking up hundreds of Council seats and gaining control of the cities the other two Parties were busy losing.

Bucking the trend, Conservative Boris Johnson just managed to get re-elected as London's Mayor with "Red Ken" Livingstone snapping at his heels.

As usual we have been regaled with all the usual stories by the Party "spin doctors", and for all they tell us that the Labour Party has regained the trust of the British Electorate, this, and all the other stuff peddled by the winning and losing Parties means not one row of beans, for the most shocking number to come out of all this is that only 32% of the electorate bothered to vote. So when the political parties are trotting out their analysis of whatever votes they managed to pick up, they are indeed just talking about a percentage of a small percentage of the electorate.

You need a massive imagination or mental excursion into fantasy land to pretend that these elections tell you anything much about what the British people are feeling about each Party - except that most of them just don't give a damn! That's what it tells us.

Our attitude to democracy is a national disgrace. It is appalling that nearly 70% of the country is content to let a small proportion of its fellow citizens to decide how we are governed.

Paris Notes

We were in Paris for a few days last week with our 9-year old grandson; (York to London, then Eurostar from St Pancras International to Paris Gare du Nord.)


I'd like to thank the weather forecasters for getting their forecast spectacularly wrong. Instead of the promised wind, rain, and thunderstorms, we enjoyed mainly calm and dry days with sunny periods.


The first evening was a bit wet and windy, which accounts for the doubtful quality of this photograph. I should call it "From one tower to another" as I took the picture from the observation deck of the Montparnasse Tower which is a modern skyscraper building set above a shopping mall off the Boulevard Montparnasse (6th Arrondissement). It has 56 floors, allegedly the fastest elevator in Europe, with a restaurant and observation deck at the top.

Two Views of Montparnasse Tower

We couldn't get up the Eiffel Tower because three out of the four lifts were closed for maintenance, causing queues of two hours or more. The Montparnasse Tower made a pretty spectacular substitution!

We only had a couple of full days, so not a lot of time to see much, but we had bought Paris Visite passes which included "beat-the-queues" entry to Le Louvre and a couple of other museums, and also tickets for the Metro system. The Metro tickets proved to be invaluable, for I consider this system to be the only way to get around Paris. If you use buses you are in traffic jams; if you use taxis you are in traffic jams. Of course, thousands of other people know this also, so the Metro trains - it has to be said - are very crowded. But on the other hand, they are frequent and fast, so you don't have to suffer for too long. Line 1 is worth trying just for the experience of riding on very new and classy driver-less trains! The connecting corridors between coaches are open so you can walk through the entire train, and at each end you have a clear view of where you are going (or where you have been). The system is easy to use: just ascertain from the Metro Map where you want to go, note both the Line Number and the name of the terminus at each end of the line (so you catch the train going in the right direction!) There are automatic ticket barriers, and once you are through these you are free to walk the relevant passageways to whichever line you want, and to switch from one line to another at interconnecting stations.


Our hotel was "Le Littre" in Rue Littre just off Rue de Rennes just north of the junction with Boulevard du Montparnasse.

This is a well-appointed hotel, with comfortable rooms and helpful and friendly staff. The English are lazy linguists so another reason I would recommend it is the fact that the staff are multi-lingual.


Typically for French hotels, provision of meals is limited to breakfast, but this is taken in a large and bright dining room, with a good selection of fresh fruit, fruit juices, cereals, cheese, cold meats, and hot food consisting of scrambled eggs, bacon and sausages. For other meals of the day there are more cafes, brasseries, restaurants, bistros, etc. in Paris than you can shake a stick at.


If you have young children who want to look at toys, then go to the Passage des Princes just off Boulevard Italien (nearest Metro Richelieu Druot Lines 8 and 9). This is a small shopping arcade given over entirely to toy-shops. Alternatively go to the Galleries Lafayette department store on Boulevard Haussmann (a short walk from the junction of Boulevard Italien and Boulevard Haussmann). Go the 5th floor of this extraordinary building for toys.


Of course, everyone goes to the Musee du Louvre and you could spend an entire week in there, but like many people we only had a few hours to spare, so joined the inevitable crowd heading to Salle No.6 to view the Mona Lisa. Well, you have to do it, don't you? But then there's all that other stuff to look at as well. We managed to have a walk around the Roman, Greek and Egyptian antiquities before having lunch in a nearby cafe and on to the next destination.

Eiffel Tower viewed from a river Seine cruise boat

Although we couldn't get up the Eiffel Tower it was worthwhile just visiting it at night to see it lit up in all its glory (use Metro Line 6, Bir-Hakeim station). On every hour it becomes festooned with flashing white lights from top to bottom. This is a truly amazing structure (the biggest Meccano set I've ever seen!) and it's re-painted every 7 years by 25 painters climbing all over the structure using about 60 tons of brown paint (applied by brush, would you believe?!) over a period of 18 months.


No trip to Paris would be complete without a cruise on the river Seine. If you are sloshing about in lots of money then you can get an evening dinner cruise, but otherwise there are frequent hour-long cruises (with multi-lingual commentaries) run by a number of operators.


We had pre-purchased tickets on-line with Bateaux-Mouches. These boats operate from a jetty just upstream of Pont de l'Alma. (Metro Alma Marceau Line 9). Our on-line purchase actually just produced an email with an invoice number on it. On arrival at the Bateaux-Mouches ticket office you just go to a machine, punch in the number and out come your tickets.

Bateaux-Mouches Departures

On board

Approaching Ile de Cite

Our grandson enjoyed his first trip to France and he was sorry to be leaving Paris. We returned to London with good memories.

A quick note about the Parisiens:

They are popularly believed to be rude and arrogant. We did not experience this. All the people we dealt with were polite, helpful, and in many cases happy to have a go at speaking English if we couldn't make ourselves understood in French. I believe that if you treat people with politeness and respect, then that is what you get back - where ever you happen to be. My theory, for it's worth, is that if you go somewhere expecting hostility then you tend to transmit that expectation and engender a reciprocal response.

Here's another thing .. for the most part, both women and men were smartly dressed (even casually) and evidence of obesity was conspicuous by its absence (in spite of all those wonderful patisseries, boulangeries, cafes and restaurants .. and McDonalds!) It was - in short - a "Slob-free Zone".

I Despair of the Human Race

I am going through one my periods of despair over the kind of world in which my grandson has to grow up.

Although we are now technologically advanced beyond the wildest dreams of our forefathers we appear to have learned  nothing in the matter of how to behave as human beings. We have 21st century methods of communications, information handling, and truly amazing ways of killing each other, driven by a stone age sense of morality.

Was there ever an "age of enlightenment"? How enlightened are we?

Why are some religious basket cases still finding a rationale for killing innocent people?

Why are some religious fruit and nut cases still refusing to accept scientific evidence as to the age of the planet on which we live?

Why does Israel think it has a God-given right to take other people's lands and settle on them? Why does Iran think it has a God-given right to wipe Israel off the face of the earth? Which of these countries is morally right?

When Adolph Hitler and his vile regime were finally obliterated we hoped that would be the end of such tyrants, but they have continued to spring up all over the place, the latest being President Assad of Syria. And when the world (through the UN) try to do something about it, they are thwarted by the wishes of China and Russia looking after their own interest.

Why are some young people in Britain (and elsewhere) devoid of any kind of conscience and are happy to indulge in drive-by shootings, or random stabbings of others because they don't like their colour? I cannot forget the image from the CCTV footage of the young man caught up in the Tottenham riots last summer, being injured and then apparently helped by a group of other young men, whilst they simultaneously and systematically removed the contents of the injured man's back pack.

Taxi driver Raoul Moat went on a wild shooting spree killing and injuring people in his locality. At one point he went up to a police car parked on the roadside and shot the officer in the head, blinding him. After a period of heroic efforts to come to terms with a new life without sight, the policeman recently ended his own life. When this news item appeared as an online news item, some disgusting idiot took it into his head to post a comment that it served him right for being a member of the Police chasing Raoul Moat.

Politicians lie through their teeth to get elected; criminals use the internet to extract money out of gullible people; paedophiles groom young people for their sick sexual fantasies; some of them are priests! American presidential candidates slag each other off in eye-wateringly expensive ad campaigns, then finish off their pathetic speeches with "God bless America". What do these people know of God?

And so I fear for my grandson's future. But then I look back to when I was his age and remember the bleak outlook and ever-present fear brought about by the threat of World War 3 and the obliteration of civilisation as we knew it by hydrogen bombs and intercontinental ballistic missiles. There was probably as much crime around then as there is now; it's just that nowadays we know more about it. We never used to have a "24-7" news service, nor did we have the Internet. I survived the fear; I survived the disillusionment.

It may be, God willing, that my grandson will also survive and be able to live a decent life.

I think it's time I went out into the garden to look at the spring daffodils and crocuses. Well .. I would .. If only the neighbourhood's dogs would stop barking! (Dog owners without a conscience.)

The US Presidential Race

The U.S. Republican Party's attempts to find a candidate to challenge Barak Obama in November is nothing if not entertaining.

It's a shame that American politics is dictated so much by how much wealth you have and/or how much extra cash you can raise, apparently without limit, but that democratic deficit is somewhat offset by the sheer entertainment value of the shenanigans these guys get up to in order to get elected.

They indulge in negative campaigning on radio and television to an extent that British politicians can only dream of. Newt Gingrich (what kind of a name is that?! Nearly as weird as Barak Obama) put out an advert the other week designed to punch out his main rival, Mitt Romney. Added to Romney's many sins, including the fact that he "loves firing people" was the fact that "he speaks French"! I'm struggling to find that a reason for disqualifying the man.

Of course all American politicians have to be openly followers of God. The trouble is, which God? The Evangelicals' God, the Catholics' God, the Baptist's God, the Presbyterians' God, the Mormons' God? Perhaps not the Mormons' God (could be Mitt Romney's undoing), and certainly not the Muslims' God. If you don't like (the avowed Christian) Barak Obama one of the popular insults is to call him a Muslim. This is all very perplexing to us in the UK because our politicians "don't do God", nor would we expect them to.

The election of an openly atheist American to the presidency is about as likely as Greece paying off its debts

.

The front runners for the Republican nomination now appear to be Mitt Romney the Mormon, or Newt Gingrich the "open marriage" advocate. There must be a touch of the Mormon in Gingrich, having had several wives, though to be fair in his case, not all at the same time. But Romney is a rare Republican in having once supported the idea of a health care programme; this might have something to do with God telling Joseph Smith to keep on taking the tablets.

If I were a betting man I'd put money on Barak Obama still being President after November.

Another Mad Year - 2011

I had high hopes for 2011. I thought it was going to be unique. There’d never been a year called ‘2011’ before and the chances of their being another year called ‘2011’ seemed remote. Then I remembered I had high hopes at the beginning of every year and decided to be more rational in the future.

Anyway, this is how it panned out, in no particular order (as they say on the “X-Factor”).

Our Dear Leader, “Call me Dave” Cameron, decided that the National Health Service should be turned upside down, handing financial control to consortia of local GPs. None of this was in the Conservative or Liberal Democrat manifestos, but when were political manifestos ever worth more than a row of beans?

There was so much hostility from the professionals that the Government went away for another think. I think they are still thinking.

I hope they remember that basis of the NHS is that everybody, regardless of income, is entitled to receive hospital acquired infections free at the point of use.

The British Government (a Coalition of the Unwilling) held a referendum on changing the voting system. The Liberal Democrats had been pushing hard for this, and I supported it, being a life-long critic of the undemocratic “first past the post” system (which only works democratically if you have no more than two candidates). Anyway, the “Yes” Campaigners ran such an abysmal show, talking complete rubbish that the country voted for the status quo (which is Latin for rock music).

Some Arab nations protesting and fighting their way towards some kind of democracy, whilst a couple of European nations went in the opposite direction by being coerced into forming governments led by unelected technocrats.

Libya’s deranged Colonel Gaddafi

began losing control of his country after 40 years of dictatorship and farting in public. There was a major uprising in Benghazi (where the people were fed up with the stink) and the curly-headed madman used his Air Force to quell the uprising, declaring he would hunt down his own people like rats. Things were beginning to look so serious that the UN and NATO got involved, resulting in a NATO-controlled No-Fly Zone over the country, to thwart Gaddafi’s murderous activities. In a rare and relatively short display of successful military action involving no “boots on the ground” the Colonel was eventually defeated, meeting an undignified end being hauled out of sewer and shot.

As the flies began to congregate around his corpse I wondered about the efficiency of the no-fly zone.

A British comedian wondered why the self-styled Dictator only gave himself the rank of Colonel, putting himself no higher than someone qualified to sell fried chicken in a bucket.

Tunisia held its first democratic election in history and there was a 90% turnout. Imagine achieving that in Britain!

President Assad

(Arsehead?) of Syria got into a similar game to Gadaffi, slaughtering thousands of his own people who had the bare-faced cheek to protest against his repressive regime, but no sign of the Western Powers intervening in this case.

By the end of year it was reckoned that his forces had killed 5,000 and arrested 15,000 of his people, prompting calls for him to be brought before the International Court for crimes against humanity.

Then there was the “Eurozone” crisis. This was a crisis within a crisis. We already a worldwide economic crisis caused by a poorly regulated banking system either going berserk with other people’s money, or conducting fraudulent operations, or both. Within the European Union, countries like Greece, Ireland, Italy, Portugal and Spain reaped the whirlwind of their profligacy; Greece, in particular, was on the verge of collapse and required gigantic bale-outs from the rest of the “Eurozone”.

(Beware Greeks requiring gifts!)

American special forces located the whereabouts of Osama Bin Liner

(residing comfortably in Pakistan). They stormed the premises and killed him, thus ending a man-hunt that started after the tragic attack on the World Trade Centre.

Dave the Toff attended a special European Summit meeting in Brussels called to reach an agreement on rules to be followed to save the Euro. This currency had been doomed from its inception because it was set up without considering the political necessity to make participating countries function virtually as a single State for it work, and certain countries (Greece in particular) should never have been allowed to join, but the books were cooked (and the Greeks are not particularly noteworthy for their cooking). The UK had wisely decided to stay out of it. (Sterling work.)

Nevertheless, anything happening in the 17 countries using the Euro affects the UK’s trade with Europe and so it was necessary (along with nine other countries still using their own currency) to attend this Summit.

Instead of negotiating a deal protecting Britain’s interests, Cameron just refused to be party to the agreement signed by all the other 26 countries and took his bat and ball home to the rousing cheers of the Conservative Party’s rabid right-wing Europe-hating back-benchers. He was publicly criticised by his Liberal Democrat Deputy Prime Minister and several others.

Cameron now has one foot on the jetty and other on the boat that is departing. We can only hope he’s good at doing the splits, but in any case there’s still bound to be a big splash!

America’s motley collection of Republican circus clowns called the Tea Party drove their political bus into the presidential circus ring and the doors fell off in time-honoured fashion accompanied by the hooting and honking of mad ideas, political amnesia, suspect intelligence, and sexual scandals.

I had a brief e-mail correspondence with one of these guys and he wrote me long essayson the American Constitution, and the evils of Government. He said the Minimum Wage was a disaster and American healthcare was “the best in the world, and anyone can get access to it” (!) Free-market capitalism was the only way forward. He told me that if he met anyone who “wanted to be

controlled by government” he would “send him to England” and perhaps I would like to “send him anyone I knew who loves freedom”.

One of America’s right-wing backwoodsmen came back into the fray on behalf of the Tea Party Movement: Newt Gingrich. Imagine having an American President with a weird name!

In Italy, Prime Minister Sylvio Berlusconi raised the tone of political debate by declaring the German Chancellor, Angela Merkel, to be an “unfuckable lard bucket”.

Japan suffered a horrific tsunami with huge loss of life and fatal damage to a nuclear power plant causing radiation leaks. This reopened the question in Britain of whether we should be building new nuclear power stations to secure our future power supplies. Meanwhile we continued to suffer from the installation of wind turbines – one of the biggest confidence tricks perpetrated on a gullible population (and government). There were now so many of these ineffectual eye-sores blighting the British countryside that if we could run them as propellers we could probably fly the country across the Atlantic.

What wondrous things are wind turbines!

When it’s freezing cold and we all need extra power, we can be without wind for days on end whilst they generate diddly squat. On other days when the wind blows hard they shut the damned things down to avoid damage. In one memorable instance a turbine was working so hard it caught fire. It’s hard to think of anything good to say about them unless you are a rich land owner getting even richer by allowing dozens of the things to sit on your land.

In Britain the rich got richer and the poor got poorer. The same thing happened in America but to an even worse extent.

Cambridge lost the Oxford v Cambridge University Boat Race by about 3 lengths – more bad news (unless you happen to be an Oxford supporter).

During the summer London and several other major cities in the UK were treated to an unprecedented outbreak of rioting and looting, sparked off by the Police in London shooting and killing a young man. Businesses were ruined, the Police were ineffectual, and there were many instances of outrageous behaviour. Eventually there were thousands of arrests and cases heard in courts operating all night. Severe sentences were handed out. It was notable that these scenes were not repeated in Scotland or Wales, thus reinforcing my view that the English are in many ways a defective race of people.

Trade Unions objecting to austerity measures that were going to affect their pensions combined and called a one-day strike near the end of the year. That demure and sensitive soul, Jeremy Clarkson (of Top Gear fame) declared on TV that the strikers should all be taken out and shot in front of their families.

Clarkson also took the opportunity this year of letting us know that people who jumped in front of trains to kill themselves were being very selfish holding up everyone else on the train. The train driver should be replaced and the train re-started, leaving the foxes and crows to deal with whatever bits of the body still remained scattered about the track. Clarkson’s mouth is so big he can get both feet into it, and with a bit of effort (and luck for the rest of us?) might even be able to swallow himself.

Another vile dictator died: Kim Jong-il of North Korea. We watched thousands of North Koreans wailing and gnashing their teeth at this tragedy that had overcome them, demonstrating the degree to which they had all been

brainwashed, or coerced, or both. No doubt this man (who appeared to one of the select few in North Korea who got enough to eat) arranged for his headstone to be engraved, “I told you I was –il”. He was replaced by his son (also well-fed).

Once again we saw that Communism turns its own philosophy upside down and produces an elite dynasty of all-powerful dictators. “Power to the people”? .. bollocks!

Talking of political philosophies, we have now firmly established (except in the eyes of Cuba, North Korea and China) that Communism doesn’t work. We appear also to have firmly established that Capitalism doesn’t work either. What 2012 needs is a new “–ism” that does work. Nobody’s come up with any useful ideas yet.

Britain celebrated the Christmas spirit by having a fatal stabbing in Oxford Street, a knife attack in the same area on the same day, and a fatal shooting in Manchester.

In conclusion, 2011 has been much like any other year in recent times, and 2012 will probably continue much in the same vein.

In other words, plus ça change plus c'est la même chose – which is French for Isn’t this where we came in?

Happy New Year to my six readers.

Caffeine Rush

This morning at breakfast I discovered an efficient way of waking up the body without actually consuming the caffeine.

Here is the method:

1. Put two table-spoons of fresh ground coffee in cafétière.

2. Boil water, let water go off the boil then pour into the cafétière.

3. Leave plunger up (important).

4. Place cafétière on table.
5. Now place slices of bread in the toaster and a bowl of porridge in microwave.

6. Switch on both machines.
7. Return to the table with a toast rack (do this quickly, and ensure right forearm makes contact with coffee pot plunger).


The resulting torrent of hot coffee and grouts over trousers, chair, cupboard doors, kitchen carpet, the rapidly spreading of the dark stain, the pinging of the microwave indicating porridge is ready, the clang of the toaster as toast pops up, (all occurring simultaneously) is a sure-fire way of increasing the heart rate and the flow of adrenalin. If you can also arrange for your wife to be upstairs in bed at the time, so you can look forward to explaining what has happened, you will be surprised as to how much this enhances the adrenalin rush.

The great thing is, you have achieved all this without actually having consumed any coffee.

Try it tomorrow!

Small-minded vindictive "TripAdvisor" Reviewers

I cannot be the only person using "TripAdvisor" to wonder how a hotel or restaurant can accumulated a large list of these ..

.. and then in amongst all those you encounter a couple of these ..

I have been pondering the possibility that these odd 1-star reviews (which are frequently offensive and often written by people having only a fleeting acquaintance with the English language) tell us more about the reviewer than the premises they are reviewing.

Channel 4's TV documentary last night, entitled "Attack of the Trip Advisors", pretty much confirmed this to be the case. The film makers followed the antics of a number of people "addicted" to providing in-depth critiques of hotels and restaurants, mistakenly believing that they were doing the rest of us a service.

We saw hoteleliers and restaurateurs reduced to tears by petty and vindictive reviews that potentially had the power to destroy their businesses.

Whilst I am keen as the next man to expose shoddy and over-priced services, I believe this documentary showed these reviewers to be operating on another level altogether. There is not a hotel or restaurant anywhere that can be 100% perfect and if you set out to nit-pick every conceivable fault then this destroys the whole purpose of "TripAdvisor".

One guy admitted to having been bullied at school, and this was his way now of asserting himself.

One man follows a slavish routine when visiting hotels. This includes getting out his ball-point pen and making a small blue dot at the end of one of the bed sheets so he can see if the sheets get changed before his second night in bed. Apparently he has a skin condition, causing flaking whilst in bed and his sheets need to be changed daily. Because the hotel staff did not do this he slated them, conveniently ignoring the fact that he failed to advise the hotel of his special requirement. His theory is that it is up to the hotel to ask him if he has any special requirements regarding bed linen.

He then stuffs a handful of the free tea and coffee sachets into his pocket to check whether the supplies have been replenished when he returns to his room at the end of the day. Because supplies were not replenished that was another black mark! You and I might simply phone Reception for more sachets, but in our case we probably would have actually used ours to make drinks with rather than stuff them in our pockets. Room staff would not doubt have noticed that although some sachets had been taken, there was no evidence of dirty cups or empty sachets dropped in the waste bin.

Another asks for a gin & lemonade in the bar and when the waitress brings him a gin & tonic instead, this goes down as another black on his 1-star review, even though his drink was replaced by the requested one in double-quick time.

All these people were no doubt glad to be filmed for this documentary, being full of their own importance, but they probably are completely unaware of the fact that they came over as sad, petty-minded, vindictive little idiots. The documentary did a great service in exposing them for what they are.

My advice, what what it is worth, is that every time you are looking down a list of reviews for a hotel or restaurant in which you are interested, if you come across a 1-star rating tucked in amongst a host of 4-star and 5-star ratings treat it with the utmost suspicion. They are only worth serious consideration if the place gets nothing else but 1-star and 2-star ratings.

I am an enthusiastic "reviewer" on "TripAdvisor" but I do my utmost to write a fair review. On the few occasions I find things to be worth complaining about then I ensure that I complain at the time of my dissatisfaction. Then, how well my complaint is dealt with determines what kind of rating and review I give the place.