Tales from the back of the School Minibus

Part of my job is the transport of eight primary school children to and from school. They are aged between five and eleven years.

Listening to the surreal conversations of the five-year olds is part of the pleasure of the job.

Me: "Don't unfasten your seatbelt while I'm driving."
Child: "It's OK - there are never any police down this road."

Child (in state of excitement): "Lionel, guess what."
Me: "What?"
Child: "My mummy's buying me a new water bottle".

Child 1: "I had a rat sandwich for lunch."
Child 2: "You can't eat rats."
Child 3: "You can - it's meat."
Child 4: "Did you know you can eat a duck?"
Child 2: "You're not allowed to eat a duck."
Child 3: "Well, you can eat a duck, but only if it's mad."

You heard it here first, folks!